Recently I had a sort of unpleasant experience with YANIG – Yet Another Not Interested Girl. To make long story short – I liked her, tried to get her out for a date, but failed miserably – twice. However, it didn’t come as a surprise at all, mainly because this was a long shot (she’s probably twice as small as I am and for some people it matters) and because I hadn’t seen much of interest coming from her. But I was indeed interested – and that was enough to at least try. Twice.
So why did I try then? Well, it’s always worth a shot. Maybe she’s too shy, shut and closed in her own world. Maybe she just isn’t sure you will like her – and she does not want to fail anymore than you do. Or maybe she is simply not that into you. How could you tell? READ THE BODY LANGUAGE!
Hope I made that loud enough. To tell you the truth – this is the main reason I was not surprised – I have read the response to every single approach a few seconds before the girl replied with ordinary pleasantries. In fact, after about 15 minutes I could probably foretell most of her responses to generic pre-dating questions, and after two dates (if I would get them, of course) I would probably be able to imagine how the relationship would unfold. And how it would inevitably crumble. She’s not interested, what can I do, right?
Unless she’s a professional actress or a real pro at deceiving people (in which case you don’t really want to deal with all the consequences) she will give it away by speaking with her body, not the words. If you watched recent “Lie To Me” or old “The Negotiator” with Kevin Spacey and Samuel L. Jackson, you probably know what I mean. However, you are at much better position here – nobody’s life is at stake. No one is going to jail. Everyone is relaxed – or at least should be – so the probability of her body lying to you is a lot smaller. Which is your opportunity now that you must cease!
Now, you, on the other hand, will have to control yourself and do what men are supposed to do if they want to get a date – LISTEN! But not only words, but body moves too. Of course, you’ve read and heard about how if the person touches his or her nose it means they’re lying, or if they cover their mouth they are scared of saying something they don’t want. Like that’s going to help you!
SO WHERE IS THE DICTIONARY? Tough luck, boys, there’s none. If someone would come up with dictionary for women body language – they’d be the richest people in the world. Gold, oil, gas, diamonds – everything can be acquired one way or the other, only women will always drive men crazy. But back to our subject. How do you tell if a girl is interested in you if she carries her purse or tote and simply can’t cover her mouth each time she’s not telling you something?
Simple. Watch the whole body. If you are on a date at the cafe – watch the pose. If she’s crossing her arms in front of her – it’s called a defensive stance and she wants to protect herself from you, so slow down on those compliments. Worse yet if she puts her large bag on her lap in front of her – she is almost scared! If she’s looking around once every few seconds – either she’s very uncomfortable (and you have to ask what’s wrong, maybe she just needs to excuse herself to the bathroom) or she is VERY not interested and looking for distraction. Of course she may just be checking the place where you brought her to, but watch for the expression on her face when she’s scanning the area. If she’s fumbling with her accessories – she’s probably nervous about something (could be, or could be not you – try to find out).
One of the hardest things in reading the body language of the person you have never seen (or seen just once or twice) is weeding out the false alarms. What if she’s having allergies and that is the reason why she’s touching her nose – not because she’s a pathological liar. What if mosquito bit her ear last night and she’s fumbling with her earrings to make itching go away – not because she’s inventing some fake story about herself. What if she’s a single mom and checking her cell phone because she’s expecting that her babysitter will call any minute and ruin an amazing time she’s having with you.
As I have said – there is no dictionary for woman’s body language, but you can write one for the kind of girls you like. As long as it makes you both happy – good luck!