New Plan

New plan – scrap the old blog format and topics. Also new plan – write this shit as a script for a podcast. What should this be about? I don’t know, everything – technology, movies, idiots – whatever bothers me at the moment.

Topics of the day: thrifting, new chair, echo chambers and some photography. Picture in the end!

After much procrastination due to actually having to do some actual work (imagine that!) and due to my new living arrangements lacking proper work desk I am finally getting to this.

Thrifting: being a native New Yorker I’ve heard about thrift stores, but never actually been to one. Until recently. Turns out – for those who are unfamiliar with the concept – these are awesome. There are two kinds – one is an actual thrift/donation store where you drop off your old crap and buy yourself some new crap someone else had dropped off earlier. And there’s consignment store – which is when someone drops off their old crap with the purpose of being paid something for it. Which means thrift stores carry laughable items at laughable prices (like a dollar or two) while consignment store may try to sell a brand new something for 60 – 70% off the item’s price.

Some of the thrift stores are running silent auctions, which artificially inflates the price on certain items. It’s good for their bottom line, but pretty bad for me as I am not looking to resell these items. When there’s no profit to be made – there is no reason to buy anything that’s above ten dollars.

Since I am temporarily living in Pennsylvania for now – and I have discovered this whole thrifting thing – I’ve been all but obsessed. So far my finds have been pretty limited – a vintage Minolta, a pair of binoculars and a few props for the shoots (some of which I have already put to a good use). Next level finds I am looking for – guitars. I want a couple of guitars – both as props and as actual musical instruments to play.

New chair: since I am now living in an apartment completely furnished by someone else in a most generic way possible I need a set up to be able to work. I twitch a lot and change a lot of poses and lean on every side possible while sitting, so I need a real chair. I went to my favorite place to shop (yeah, Amazon – what else) and found a gaming chair at a pretty decent price – under a hundred bucks. Never owned a gaming chair before, so I have no idea what to expect, but I am pretty fed up with cheap 50-dollar chairs that fall apart in a couple of months or so uncomfortable that you’d rather lay on the floor. Alternatively, I can’t afford the 250-something for a premium setup since I am still in need of a desk.

So I did my research on Amazon and it seems there aren’t that many variations of chairs. Looks like a pretty standardized offering – short chair, tall chair, adjustable chair, same options with mesh and then there are those huge rubber balls to sit on. Something feels missing, a dash of crazy – a fully adjustable chair that allows going from seated to semi-reclined to a completely horizontal position with laptop/tablet stands adjustable for each position. Extra points for being able to roll over from “on the back” to “on the belly” positions without leaving the chair. Amazon can totally invent this withing their AmazonBasics brand – they can even add a magnetic dashboard to stick their “buttons” and have even fewer reasons to leave the chair. We’re definitely missing some creative ideas in the chairs’ department.

Echo chambers: today, after a long while, I had an extended conversation regarding the current state of politics. It just so happened that people who participated in the conversation were out of their echo chamber and the conversation have been meaningful. It wasn’t aggressive and it wasn’t in the “we all agree to the same thing here” key – but it was constructive and interesting. I thought that inside their echo chambers people tend to label anyone who even slightly disagreeing with them as an enemy. Weather it happens because they are so narrow-minded or because trolls use any sign of agreement to push their own agenda – doesn’t really matter at this point. The key issue is that we all become polarized and get triggered at a drop of a pin. So echo chambers get smaller because the borders become tighter and more rigid. These days it’s not enough to just dislike Trump – you have to actively hate him. It’s not enough to hate him – you have to participate in hate squads. As soon as someone starts “I hate this guy” – anything that’s not upping the ante is considered a betrayal. It’s like 1984 all over again – I’ve seen this shit in Soviet Union, now I get to witness it again in US.

Ultimately, we want to make sure we’re checking the government’s powers and direction – that’s what democracy is supposed to do. We want to call out wrongs and mistakes and things we disagree on. But at the same time, we want to make sure we’re not doing this to the detriment to the whole country. And I just don’t see this happening. The propaganda – especially from the democratic side – is so vile that it literally reminds me of the Soviet Union shit that was poured over hearts and minds of Soviet people. Quite frankly – it’s disgusting. We all need to listen more to people we disagree with. They have a point.

Some photography: I finally broke through the wall – if only by a little – and had a couple photo shoots. They’re still in the works, but it’s progress!

In the meantime – here’s something that’s been sitting for a year on my hard drive to be edited.

"We can do it" poster - by Vlad Grubman /

Happy New Dating In A Happy New Year

Finally knocked out the last part of Christmas Love Story – it was sitting in my Drafts folder since April. So two hours before the New Year I am finishing all the things I had to do last year but for one reason or another never got around to do.

Have a happy New Year. The 2010 should be a lot better than 2009 – it’s not only a new year, it’s a beginning of a new decade. So leave all the bad issues, dating failures and dating horror stories behind. Enter the new decade with clear minds and be happy.

Happy Dating

Happy Relationships.

Happy New Year!

eHarmony Follow Up

Just recently I noticed that eHarmony is running some cheesy ads on TV. Unfortunately, YouTube only has limited number of ads and not all variations are present, so I cannot link to the one I was watching. There are, however, a few more that are so cheesy they’ve lost all the kick. But I digress.

The point that I want to reinforce is that the major eHarmony’s selling point is the increased distance between members, so that you would settle for anything as long as the pain of going over the questionnaires would stop. At least two of ads on YouTube feature people holding (literally) stacks of paper with member’s profile data. I’m not saying you should make every date a blind date, but at least don’t make it a scientific research.

On the other hand I just might be barking at the wrong tree. One of the commercials start with these exact words: “My mom mentioned eHarmony”. Right off the bat this position the eHarmony’s target audience as immature people who need hand holding when choosing life partner. So now I am thinking – maybe all those questions aren’t bad. Maybe it’s the hand-holding that those immature people need and crave in order to find someone decent, someone they could finally settle with. You know, someone just good enough.

Give Me A Little Love

Sculpture of August Rodin The Kiss - Dating Advice Blog Sometimes people around you give you the most interesting discussion subjects. Or, maybe, it is so because we tend to listen to them the most. In any case, let’s talk about things like sharing, giving and receiving.

It all started with a person who is very close to me and is my close friend being very depressed. After we went through the routine of “What’s going on? – Nothing, I’m just depressed” Q & A, we stopped for a moment to catch a breath. Then, slower, we proceeded to uncover the real state of things.

It turned out that she was depressed simply because everyone else is either too annoying, too arrogant or seem not to notice her. Sometimes she would come up to someone with a question and the person would turn around like she’s not there. Or people would look at her like she’s the enemy of the state. Or refuse to do anything she asks – for no apparent reason. Then it dawned on me – I remembered I was in just the same situation at one point of my life.

All those people are not disliking you – I said. If right after encountering you someone would come up to them and ask if they remember who they just talk to – they would’ve probably just shrugged. The reason is simple – you don’t generate sympathy. You generate annoyance, arrogance, fear, hatred, they feel that Dark Side is strong with you or whatever else. Point is – they don’t feel sympathy. That is why they ignore you, give you those cold looks and so on. They feel your unhappiness and they try to avoid it at all cost. Most of the time they do it unconsciously.

But what do I do? – she asked. Well, – I said – it’s simple. Whenever you come up in the morning – look in the mirror and say you like what you see. If you have a nice smile – smile to yourself like it’s a pretty stranger you want to get. Whenever you approach someone – try to be positive, feel good about that person and generate sympathy. It will be hard at the beginning, but it will get better over time. Sometimes the person you will be talking to is going to be the most annoying person in the world, ugly as hell and stupid as a tree. Still, try to feel a little sympathy towards that person and I promise you – you will be rewarded tenfold.

I realize she may not be happy with my answer, since it doesn’t provide an immediate rectification to the problem. But it does give a solution, one that will work as soon as the next encounter happens.

Now, some of you may ask – what does all this has to do with dating? If it isn’t clear enough – I’ll explain. Whenever you go on a date – ESPECIALLY FIRST DATE – that’s how your counterpart will know what kind of person you are. You may have the best shoes, jeans and shirt in the world, or you may have the prettiest natural boobs that make Victoria Secret models cry, but if you generate those “bad vibrations” – your date will never notice how cute, smart or lovely you are. On the other hand – I’ve personally witnessed a DATE GONE PERFECT because both people were generating sympathy and good emotions towards everyone around them and what started as an encounter of two strangers just two hours later was a conversation between two closest people on Earth.

Back From The Crusades

The blog is back from the long and unwanted silence. Frankly, I didn’t expect to vanish for such a long period, but finally all perils are over.

If anyone’s interested in purchasing the “9 Dating Basics” book – let me know in comments and it will be arranged.

If you have stories to tell, leave a shout in comments as well and we’ll get them published with comments from our dating advisors and guys and gals like you and me. Trust me, it will be fun.

More about dating advice – we’re all the way in the dating season, so stay tuned for more dating stories and more fun.

P.S. This blog it up next for software update, so if something isn’t working – DON’T PANIC!

Hello, world!

Welcome to the blog of DontDateGuy. First things first – read what you MUST READ! Then come back and ask your questions!

P.S. Why do they always miss that comma in “Hello, world” sentence?