Availability of Unavailable

Girl in a hot car - Dont Date Guy bogYou hook up with this great guy or gal. You exchange your phone numbers, you called each other couple of times. You set up a date. Ten minutes before the Hour H he called and said he has an emergency meeting. Or she called and said her mom got sick. You reschedule for tomorrow.

Tomorrow you get yourself ready, but 15 minutes before date he calls and says there’s an emergency at work and he needs to be there ASAP. Or she calls and says that her best friend got into car accident and she has to be there for her. You reschedule for next week.

Next week… well, you’ve got the idea. You are puzzled, because you still haven’t been on a single date with the person, so why all the avoidance? The answer is simple – the person you are trying to date is unavailable and this is exactly how such unavailability looks like in real life. The person could be married, or have a full-time girlfriend, or engaged, or… well, whatever. Point is – they play this game for either of two reasons: a) they need some excitement, and b) they want to see other people but can’t. Mainly because their other half wouldn’t let them.

Getting stood up because your date isn’t honest with you isn’t a pretty sight. Some ladies suggest that you keep couple of opportunities open for any night. If one of them failed, you can always roll back to another. Since you are not into anything serious yet, there is a high chance it will make sense. Also, there is nothing wrong with this, since this will boost your self-esteem and will just make you feel good.

Of course, if you really like the person, you’ve been on more then three dates with him or her and really want to show it – you wouldn’t do anything like this. On the contrary, offer your help, a lift to a place or a hand to help. Never worked for me though, but you may just be a little luckier.

Dating 101 – 5 dating basics. Part II – Being on time

Be On Time - DontDateGuy.comSecond article in continuation of five basic dating things you absolutely must know. This time we will discuss the importance of being on time and good time management. If you want to read the previous article – here’s the link to Part I – Self-Confidence.

Being on time means showing up at 7pm if you set your date to be at 7pm. You can be reasonably late, but whatever is over 15 minutes is way too bad. Being on time for your date is not only shows your prospective lady that you can keep your word (this is obvious), it also shows that you value her time and effort. It shows respect.

Now, gentlemen, the trivial part – she will be late. Don’t get cocky, all ladies do that. If she also reasonably late (no more then 20 minutes) – don’t even mention it. If she’s more then 20 minutes late she will give you some excuse. We kind of lost count of excuses somewhere around 18th century, but we’re sure it’s more then a few thousands. Almost always they all bogus, the good part is that you should not be concerned. The non-trivial part is the real reasons why she was late:

  • she was dressing up for date with you. Be proud, don’t forget to compliment her on how she looks. Women like to dress up and love to hear that they look good. Even if her scarf totally don’t match he shoes. However, my guess is if any man is actually capable of capturing such mismatches – he’s either gay (and thus don’t belong to our story) or a fashion designer. Not sure what’s worse but for us, the regular folk, she looks good. Or at least she wanted to and we must compliment the effort.
  • she was working long hours. Until you become “the one” – you are on a shared time with her boss, the rest of dates, non-important friends, obscure relatives and local sale events. Try to keep up or better yet – try to give her more joy then any of aforementioned events. She will naturally start spending more time with you.
  • she was on another date. Ouch, that must have hurt. However, think positive (and build your self-confidence) – maybe she doesn’t have too much of spare time and is just skimming to see what’s out there. Advantages are numerous – the date is shorter, so you have less time to say or do something stupid. There’s a slight possibility of you becoming an instant winner, so shine your shoes well (hey, you didn’t think you can go on a date in those $30 sneakers, didn’t you?).

By the way, it is usually a good idea to agree on some place where you can wait in some comfort, especially when it’s too cold or too hot outside. If you are not in your car, maybe it’s a good idea to meet up at local cafe (in NYC there’s a Starbucks on every corner, so you can hardly miss that) and then go on with your date as planned. If you freeze your brains out there in the cold (or melt them down in heat) you are just waisting time and money with this date.

Being on time doesn’t only mean showing up at exactly 8pm. It also means not moving your date from the day you both settled on. When you move a date the first thing the lady thinks is that you giving someone else a preference. So, don’t come back here whining after a month of hopeless unsuccessful calling her for three times a day. Unless there is truly an emergency – don’t move your date. You are running a serious risk of loosing it forever. It happened to me couple of times, so I know what I am talking about. There are no good excuses – you don’t actually think you can show up with letter from your doctor, so don’t contemplate it at all. That is, of course, if you are really interested in that gal. If you don’t really care – just cancel altogether.

If you read this far – here’s a bonus trick. If she shows up late but looking flawless it’s a good idea to say (in your own words,  of course) that now you see where all the extra time went and if there would be your choice you’d wait for her for as long as needed just to see her as beautiful as she is now. Never failed me to start a date like that.