The correct answer is “no”, of course, but I hope it made you think.
What do you think when you see a girl with a Blackberry, zealously typing away? Do you think she’s just the corporate slave, just like the most of us? But what if she bought this Blackberry on her own, because she wanted to?
What I usually say is “the cure girl with Blackberry has no personal life”. The reason for it is that the Blackberry (or any smart phone for that sense) is somewhat a cumbersome creature in itself. It takes time to figure one out. If the girl’s private life is all set, mostl likely she doesn’t have the time required for that. If you see she’s doing good with her Blackberry – that might be your chance. Don’t miss it.
Don’t know about you, but here in NY almost every day it’s around or above 90 degrees. How would you date in this hostile environment, when even air is sweating?
Well, if you accept that you just absolutely HAVE TO abide to certain limitations, then you’re good to go. Just make sure you know what you’re doing. Below is the list of DOs and DON’Ts for hot weather dating.
DO: Shower in warm or cold water before the date. Don’t use extremely hot or extremely cold water though, since your body will be trying to regain temperature balance and produce more heat while at it. More heat means more sweat.
DON’T: Drink sweetened and carbonated beverages. Sweetened beverages, like cola, skew the sugar balance in your body, making you drink more and more. You end up feeling bloated and, again, sweating.
DO: Drink as little as you can. The less you drink, the less sweat your body produces.
DON’T: Stop drinking at all. You need to keep your body hydrated in hot weather, it’s a must! So you have to practice a little by going from larger to smaller amounts of water until you feel that you had enough water not to feel thristy, but you’re not sweating or sweating very little.
DO: Use anti-perspirants, deodorants and other sweating counter-measures.
DON’T: Overuse cologne. Personally I can’t feel smells at all, but my well-placed sources confirm that one thing that’s one thing that is worse then sweaty smelly guy on a date is the guy who hits you with his cologne smell from mile away.
DO: Set up your date as late as you both possibly can. This way you are dating at the lowest outside temperature possible.
DON’T: Set up your date so late that you both are falling asleep. You want to make an impression of an interesting guy, not comfortable pillow. And don’t even get me started if you snore…
DO: Use air conditioner in your car. If it’s broken – fix it.
DON’T: Use mass transit when going on a date. You may feel you’re in rush, the airconditioner may be broken, it could be to hot or too cold in the bus or on the train. If there is no alternative – get to the place at least 20 – 30 minutes ahead of time, bring some large wet napkins and dry paper towels and use them.
DO: Calm down before the date. If you get too anxious you may start sweating again.
DON’T: Bring your sweating or smell up in the conversation. If you feel that you’ve reached an unacceptable level of sweating – excuse yourself to the restroom and wipe whatever body parts you can with cold wet and then dry towels. This will both remove sweat and cool down your skin.
Of course, these DOs and DON’Ts don’t apply for everyone, your case could be significantly different. However, most of us could save a trouble by following this simple dating advice.
One more word for guys with little extra padding around the body. Sorry folks, I’ve been like that for quite some time, so I know what it feels like. Aside from the advice to hit the gym in the fall (we’ll get to that in this blog soon) I can only suggest you limit your activities in the open air to as small as possible. My course of action was as follows:
take a mildly warm shower, cool down after it
walk to the car, pump the AC, cool down
wipe arms, neck and shoulders with dry paper towels
drive to date’s place, pick her up, get her to the place
park as close to the place as possible or submit to valet parking’s mercy (both looking for parking and valet are known problems in NY)
get into the place that is well airconditioned
drink very little water
order very easy and light food – seafood or chicken, eat vegetables instead of drinking
avoid spicy food and heavy drinks like beer
by the end of the meal (usually before the desert) excuse myself to the men’s room, wipe sweat if there’s any, cool down the skin, maybe wash the face with cold water
drive date back home as close to the entrance as possible
try not to get out of the car unless absolutely neccessary
Keep in mind that your health is much more important then any kind of date, so if you feel that no matter what you do you will feel overheated – just postpone your dating efforts until it cools off outside.
There were numbers of times when myself or my friends got puzzled by what’s written in the dating profile. There were, also, times, when we were confused as to what to write in our profiles. As you may have already guessed by now, the puzzlement by readers is caused by the puzzlement by writers.
Let’s just assume for a moment that you have a dating profile that lists your goals as “Friendship, Casual Dating, Serious Relationship, Marriage and Kids and No Strings Relationship”. Just by expanding your visibility to all the areas of search (that’s why those categories are there in the first place) you have successfully eliminated any ability of your prospective date to see your actual goals. Is she’s looking for serious relationship – you have already scared her away with casual dating and no strings relationship. If that’s exactly what she’s looking for you turn her down by wanting marriage and kids. We can argue that with the right person everything is possible, but unless you’re Brad Pitt (i.e. cute and rich) – I doubt any girl will fall for that.
Now is the tricky part. What do you really want to put there? Whatever you think is right. Don’t waste your time on one-timers and gold-diggers if your goal is marriage, keep looking for that one and the only. If you are looking for casual encounters – leave those mom-wannabes alone.
If you are like me, and keep hanging somewhere in between – there’s hope for you too. Try to keep two profiles. Just make sure you are not using same or similar photos in them, this way you’ll keep away from those angry messages about being double-faced lying bastard.
(This post have been intentionally left without the pictures. Think of one yourself.)
It’s year 2008 and there’s no need to remind you that almost all communications are now online. There’s also a great chance that you are trying to find your dates on the internet, on one of numerous dating web sites. That – or rather pictures on those profiles – would be the focus of our attention here.
The most common mistake almost everyone seems to make is taking a picture with something that should translate a “subliminal” message. Guys take their pictures with their supposedly hot car in the background, while girls prefer to lean heavily on party or travel photographs. Let’s look at these cases a little closer.
There’s nothing wrong in posting you picture in or around your car – IF YOU DESIGNED THE CAR YOURSELF! Otherwise the message you’re sending is basically “I am so fat/ugly/dumb that I had to put my car into the picture to make the photograph worth looking at“. Think about it for a moment. Unless you are on a hunt for a gold digger the expensive car in the background doesn’t really add anything to your profile. By the same rationale you might have took picture with your neighbour’s car, so if you think you project an image of a wealthy individual – you’re wrong.
Same kind of thought process should be applied to the pictures from parties. Just think there for a moment: if you post your pictures from your friend’s bachelor partwhere you’re surrounded with at least three almost naked strippers – you’re saying that you are unable to be in a serious relationship. If you have that macho look with a bottle of beer in your hand – it means that’s pretty much what you want to do in life. If you pose semi-naked showing off your muscles it means there’s nothing else about you but those muscles. Good for a one-night stand, but nothing more. Picture of you and similarly drunk friends – well, you got the idea.
So what’s a good pciture? Honestly – I don’t know. The picture I had on my dating profile that won me the hottest girl that was around wasn’t of a good quality. It showed me from shoulders up, the naked shoulder muscles were out, with one of my cats sitting on my hand. I wasn’t quite shaved and had a regular inquisitive look on my face. As I have found out what girls thought was something like “Well, this guy is strong – look at those muscles – but has a tender side to him, since he’s holding a cat just like he would have held a baby. Let me give him a try…” Can’t say how close to the truth all this is, after all – this was said on a date in order to get me interested, but I think you got the drift.
Of course, the picture alone won’t give you a perfect date, as it has to be YOUR picture. You also should think about what you say or write. And good luck with dating, the season is long open.
Whenever you decide that you and your date are ready to go for something more then just couple of drinks, there’s always a dilemma as to which restaurant to choose. Pick something too simple – and she won’t be impressed. Pick something too fancy – and she’ll literally eat all your money out. Pick something too loud and you won’t be able to chit-chat. Pick something too quiet – and you won’t be able to make her laugh as hard as she can.
Although people don’t really put much thought to where to have that important second or third date, it is indeed makes sense to plan ahead. If your lunch budget just couple of lines below budget of some third-world country then you can skip next couple of paragraphs. The rest of you – read on.
First of all – make sure you can afford a full dinner at the restaurant of your choice. You don’t know that girl yet, so if she turns out to be a gold-digger or just a bitch who always orders the most expensive item on the menu – you have to have your bases covered. After all, there will be some other girl who you would want to bring here, so no reason of making a wrong impression on the staff. Second – make sure you have a backup, especially if your first choice is either an ethnic or theme restaurant; make sure the backup falls in the same pricing niche as your first choice. If your date can’t eat curry that puts away a lot of Indian and Thai places, so have some Italian or Greek spot handy. Third – make sure the restaurant of your choice takes the credit cards that you have (or you carry enough cash). It could be embarassing if they only take AmEx and all you have is Visa or MC.
It usually helps if you’ve been to the place before (unless both you and your date are food adventurers). Not so much to avoid surprises, but to have situation under control. Maybe recommend something, or ask the waiter for something that is tasty but hidden from the menu. I pull this trick on one dessert at some Japanese place – ladies almost scream in extasy after tasting that dessert, although it’s next to impossible to find it in the menu and it’s almost always sold out by the regular “dating time”.
Most importantly – know the attire for the restaurant. You want to “fall in” with the crowd around you, not so much for yourself, but for your date. Remember, women are much more conscious about how they look, so if she’s uncomfortable – it will be your fault that you brought her here. Your date may be jeopardized right from the start. So mention the place (unless it’s a surprise) and if she’s not familiar – tell her what you are wearing (or plan to wear), so she would get a clue as to what to put on herself. You’ll score more brownie points by being considerate which you (hopefully) will be able to redeem later.
It’s about time we started talking about healthy eating. Just keep in mind – all those “two salad leaves a day” diets will get you thinner, but at what cost? No sex? No way! In order to perform well both men and women alike need to eat healthy and have enough energy to enjoy their relationship to the fullest extent. Enter ethnic foods.
Everybody knows that american food is fattening, italian food is heavy and cuban food is hot spicy. What almost everyone seem to miss is that food plays major role in your sex life. Eating right is the cornerstone of a healthy relationship. Let’s look at just one example.
Let’s say you are regularly having a heavy meal late evening chances are – your sex life isn’t at its fullest. However, if you LIKE to have heavy meals in late evening – just change the diet. Instead of sandwiches or pasta or pizza – try to eat something that would benefit you better. From Russian food assortment you can take pelmeni with sour cream. Add your favorite beer. Don’t overeat though, it’s very easy to consume so much of this tasty stuff that you won’t be able to lift yourself from the table. Sounds heavy? Watch what happens afterwards, how long you will last and what your girlfriend or wife would say next morning.
Why don’t we look at it a little closer. Pelmeni contain proteins and good carbs, sour cream contains vitamins and fats, beer contains yeast and alcohol. Every major component of healthy eating is there (and some more!), plus you are getting a good workout after it, so you suppose to burn the majority of calories from fat and carbs.
If you don’t like Russian cuisine – try Cuban, Thai, Indian or whatever else you like. Just make sure it’s not only tasty and fulfilling, but also benefits your relationship.
After you are done reading our e-book that is due February 14th, right on Valentine’s Day (yep, it’s a gift!) you may ask yourself how come you didn’t think about this earlier. True, most of this is pretty obvious. However, problem remains the same — 8 out of 10 guys will fail at least at one of this basic things. Your task now is to leap ahead of them by doing this right.
In order to maintain a positive outlook you must show that you are respecting yourself. You come in clean clothes. You come on time. You give her a nice compliment. You take her to a nice clean place. You pay for her. You call her next day.
Let me share one little secret here, in this book. The most asked question after a person reads this book is — how do I start on a right track? Can you help me fix my dating issues and improve my dating experience. Well… yes, WE CAN HELP YOU!
Here’s SHORT and CONCISE guide to IMPROVE YOUR DATING EXPERIENCE:
Read this blog and ask questions. The response would be better if you will leave your questions with the post that is related to your issue. If there is no such post — leave your question with the last published post.
If you want to GET ON A RIGHT DATING TRACK — get yourself a brand new profile. For your convenience I have compiled a list of dating web sites where you get post your profile. The REGISTRATION IS FREE, so don’t wait.
Why get a new profile? Well, that’s simple — profiles on dating sites deteriorate. They get tainted with feeling of failure. It is very hard to start afresh if you keep looking at all the messages you have sent and never got any response. Stare at that hottie with whom you chatted for two months but she never gave you her phone number. That’s depressing.
But don’t delete your old profile yet! Use it smart — before writing to someone or responding to someone — check it if you have already talked to that person. Try a different approach, use different words, don’t fall for the same trick. Just don’t tell her you are that looser.
Being happy is important, especially when your dating life is active. Why?
First of all – because other people can sense your happiness or un-happiness. If you come to a date happy, your date will feel that and will respond accordingly. I did numerous tests myself, and any time I came to a date sad, grumpy or simply unsatisfied – it plain didn’t work. The girl I went on a date with just didn’t want me – plan and simple. Even if she was interested – there was a cloud of sadness or unhappiness that prevented her from getting in touch later or to respond to my attempts to contact her.
Second – it lowers your self-esteem and self-confidence. We talked about self-confidence before, so go visit that post. In short – the better you feel about yourself, the better she will feel about you. One of my dates told me that the minute she met me she felt my presence, in her words: “I felt like I am with a MAN!”. Only a few months before that another girl, just like this one was telling me that I am “not sexually attractive” and she doesn’t really want to be anything more than friends.
Last, but not least – people like to associate themselves with other happy people. Look around – how often do you see your coworkers or friends post pictures of themselves being sad, grumpy, deeply concerned or crying? You are more likely to see happy vacation faces, happy children smiles or happy romantic couples photos. Behind it there is a same reason – people want to associate themselves with happy people. It makes them happy too. So is your date – she wants others to see that she’s good and she can make her date happy.
Don’t just go on a date and kill it all out. Bring your happy face, happy thoughts, happy smiles and who knows – maybe by the same day three months from now, one sunny morning she will tell you smiling as happy as it goes: “Honey, today’s our three months anniversary”. Be happy.
This is the final part of Dating 101 – 5 dating basics. This time we are talking about calling the next day. Basically, the only reason for not calling next day is if the date was abruptly ended for some reason – like you call her “stupid bitch” or she calling you a “racist asshole”. If you parted on good terms – there is no reason for not calling.
The outcome of the date can be expressed in binary terms – either zero or one, TRUE or FALSE. In simple words – do you want a second date – yes or no? If yes – call her and say so. If no – call her, thank her and don’t ask for a second date. This is still a part of the routine to build your self-confidence and be a gentleman. So even if you won’t see her anymore – you have no idea who she might talk to. And believe me, there’s a difference for that hot chick with firm body you’ll have a chance to talk to next month – if her friend would say her date with you was “interesting, but we just didn’t click” or if she would say “he’s a schmuck who didn’t even call me next day to say thank you”. We all know the value of a good reference. This is the occasion to value it even more.
Since this is the last part of the Dating 101, let me venture on a little personal story path. There was this cute girl I went out once but we didn’t really click. Although the intellectual level was certainly there, the emotional wasn’t quite on par with what I was looking for. We had quite a good time at City Crab restaurant, waitress was certainly sure that we were heading straight for that Big Day, but – it just didn’t work. What happened next was something I would expect from a plot of a porn movie, not from my date.
Next day, when I called her, she said she felt that we didn’t quite connect emotionally. She said it was her fault. She said she didn’t want to go into that too deep, but there is this guy she feels attached to. He went on a long trip to Alaska. She’s not sure if they split for good or not. That’s okay, I said. Then she said that she really liked me and my attitude and behavior. And that she had this friend, who broke up with her boyfriend couple of months ago and is looking to start something serious. And while she herself is not really available she can pass my phone number to that friend and she will call me. She’s a nice girl, into dancing and theater, works in some major financial company, very sweet person.
To say that I was amazed is to underwhelm the situation. Dream come true. Call her the next day. You never know.
It is really hard to elaborate on how to be a gentleman. It’s rather easy to say what NOT to do. Don’t be an asshole. Don’t offend her. Don’t make sexual advances too early. Don’t tell her how good you are. Don’t brag about yourself. Oh, and constantly checking out how you look in a mirror is probably a bad idea too.
A lot of women complain that guys are so chatty about themselves on a first date, that it makes it next to impossible to interrupt such monologues. The key to a successful date is two-way communication, so both of you must speak out. Don’t get too inquisitive, but be naturally interested. The idea behind first date is to see if you physically attracted to each other, if you have anything in common to talk about and if there is any spark or chemistry between the two of you. Basically – do you want to see that person again? Would you be interested in talking to her (or him)? Would you want to “go all the way” – not because you want to stick it into everything that moves, but because you naturally want this specific woman?
Being a gentleman is a good thing for various reasons. Not last one of them is self-respect. You wouldn’t abuse a date by telling her something nasty, impolite – even if she fully deserves it. Just finish the date, get her home (or whatever your parting arrangements are) and move on. Don’t stop to say that her ass takes up whole driveway – even if it does. Believe me, you’ll feel better about yourself and that will lead you to getting a better date tomorrow.
Another reason for being a gentleman is that girls TALK! You never know who your last date knows – maybe she knows someone who’s a friend of your next crush. And her talking can make a huge difference with your new upcoming affair. So be careful what you say and don’t be a schmuck.
Being a gentleman also means telling no lies. Of course everyone wants to look better then they are – that’s why silicon implants got invented! However, there are two problems with lies – a) they get uncovered, and b) they get uncovered at the most inconvenient time possible. That is why I personally try not to BS my date. If she will be interested in me – lies can kill that in a single stroke. If she’s not interested in me because my car isn’t hot enough – I am not in her market anyway.
Last, but not least – being a gentleman also means getting out of your way to please. Women like attention, they have this special gland or something that measures men’s attention to her down to tiniest bits. So if you think she’s the woman you want – please that gland today like there is no tomorrow. That’s the only way to make sure that tomorrow will come.
