The summer is over. Now is a the last three weeks when you can still see, almost unobstructively, what you’re getting when you go out on a date.
In just less then a month ladies will start covering themselves in those clothes that hide more than they reveal and that keep you guessing if she’s the right size. It is also going to be less convenient for those romantic walks on the beach or in the parks as colder weather moves in.
So if you’re still searching, now is a good time to wrap up and settle for the cold winter months. Here are some suggestions as to how to do it:
Don’t plan long dates at fancy places. Settle for shorter time frames (up to an hour), this may leave room for another date on a same day.
Starting doing lunches. I know some girls are too proud to go on a lunch date, but some are not (I have found that those usually have much nicer personality and generally more interesting people). Balance it out.
Have a backup plan. The place you’re going to might not appear to be as good when it rains than as when shines. Keep couple of places in mind to be flexible.
Movies are good again. It’s not going to be freezing in the theaters anymore.
Keep an extra small umbrella. That alone might be a chance for a second date.
Now that it isn’t that hot – don’t overdo the cologne or deodorant. Too much smell may be a turn-off.
Don’t try to penetrate her clothes with your sight. She’s perfectly aware of where you staring at, so keep yourself within bounds.
More clothes – more chances to make a compliment. Use them wisely.
Generally speaking, pretty much any circumstance can be be used for both harm and good. If your aim is to get that girl – make sure you use them for good.
The correct answer is “no”, of course, but I hope it made you think.
What do you think when you see a girl with a Blackberry, zealously typing away? Do you think she’s just the corporate slave, just like the most of us? But what if she bought this Blackberry on her own, because she wanted to?
What I usually say is “the cure girl with Blackberry has no personal life”. The reason for it is that the Blackberry (or any smart phone for that sense) is somewhat a cumbersome creature in itself. It takes time to figure one out. If the girl’s private life is all set, mostl likely she doesn’t have the time required for that. If you see she’s doing good with her Blackberry – that might be your chance. Don’t miss it.
Don’t know about you, but here in NY almost every day it’s around or above 90 degrees. How would you date in this hostile environment, when even air is sweating?
Well, if you accept that you just absolutely HAVE TO abide to certain limitations, then you’re good to go. Just make sure you know what you’re doing. Below is the list of DOs and DON’Ts for hot weather dating.
DO: Shower in warm or cold water before the date. Don’t use extremely hot or extremely cold water though, since your body will be trying to regain temperature balance and produce more heat while at it. More heat means more sweat.
DON’T: Drink sweetened and carbonated beverages. Sweetened beverages, like cola, skew the sugar balance in your body, making you drink more and more. You end up feeling bloated and, again, sweating.
DO: Drink as little as you can. The less you drink, the less sweat your body produces.
DON’T: Stop drinking at all. You need to keep your body hydrated in hot weather, it’s a must! So you have to practice a little by going from larger to smaller amounts of water until you feel that you had enough water not to feel thristy, but you’re not sweating or sweating very little.
DO: Use anti-perspirants, deodorants and other sweating counter-measures.
DON’T: Overuse cologne. Personally I can’t feel smells at all, but my well-placed sources confirm that one thing that’s one thing that is worse then sweaty smelly guy on a date is the guy who hits you with his cologne smell from mile away.
DO: Set up your date as late as you both possibly can. This way you are dating at the lowest outside temperature possible.
DON’T: Set up your date so late that you both are falling asleep. You want to make an impression of an interesting guy, not comfortable pillow. And don’t even get me started if you snore…
DO: Use air conditioner in your car. If it’s broken – fix it.
DON’T: Use mass transit when going on a date. You may feel you’re in rush, the airconditioner may be broken, it could be to hot or too cold in the bus or on the train. If there is no alternative – get to the place at least 20 – 30 minutes ahead of time, bring some large wet napkins and dry paper towels and use them.
DO: Calm down before the date. If you get too anxious you may start sweating again.
DON’T: Bring your sweating or smell up in the conversation. If you feel that you’ve reached an unacceptable level of sweating – excuse yourself to the restroom and wipe whatever body parts you can with cold wet and then dry towels. This will both remove sweat and cool down your skin.
Of course, these DOs and DON’Ts don’t apply for everyone, your case could be significantly different. However, most of us could save a trouble by following this simple dating advice.
One more word for guys with little extra padding around the body. Sorry folks, I’ve been like that for quite some time, so I know what it feels like. Aside from the advice to hit the gym in the fall (we’ll get to that in this blog soon) I can only suggest you limit your activities in the open air to as small as possible. My course of action was as follows:
take a mildly warm shower, cool down after it
walk to the car, pump the AC, cool down
wipe arms, neck and shoulders with dry paper towels
drive to date’s place, pick her up, get her to the place
park as close to the place as possible or submit to valet parking’s mercy (both looking for parking and valet are known problems in NY)
get into the place that is well airconditioned
drink very little water
order very easy and light food – seafood or chicken, eat vegetables instead of drinking
avoid spicy food and heavy drinks like beer
by the end of the meal (usually before the desert) excuse myself to the men’s room, wipe sweat if there’s any, cool down the skin, maybe wash the face with cold water
drive date back home as close to the entrance as possible
try not to get out of the car unless absolutely neccessary
Keep in mind that your health is much more important then any kind of date, so if you feel that no matter what you do you will feel overheated – just postpone your dating efforts until it cools off outside.
The previous post (Dating in Pictures) has generated the feedback that wasn’t quite expected. As you can see there are little comments there, but boy, you had to see those e-mails!
Generally I can’t judge your photos, since I am a guy and the picture of you without your shirt can generate interest only if you’re a woman with at least D-size breasts. Otherwise – I have no idea how attractive you look. On the other hand, if you look dumb – showing off that size 56 belly – I’ll be sure to let you know.
A lot of people missed a very important point of the previous post – DON’T MAKE PICTURES WITH YOU AND YOUR CAR. 90% of women will consider you either an asshole or an easy money. Either way you loose. Remember – girl look good with the car, guys look good with girls. Don’t confuse yourself there.
There were numbers of times when myself or my friends got puzzled by what’s written in the dating profile. There were, also, times, when we were confused as to what to write in our profiles. As you may have already guessed by now, the puzzlement by readers is caused by the puzzlement by writers.
Let’s just assume for a moment that you have a dating profile that lists your goals as “Friendship, Casual Dating, Serious Relationship, Marriage and Kids and No Strings Relationship”. Just by expanding your visibility to all the areas of search (that’s why those categories are there in the first place) you have successfully eliminated any ability of your prospective date to see your actual goals. Is she’s looking for serious relationship – you have already scared her away with casual dating and no strings relationship. If that’s exactly what she’s looking for you turn her down by wanting marriage and kids. We can argue that with the right person everything is possible, but unless you’re Brad Pitt (i.e. cute and rich) – I doubt any girl will fall for that.
Now is the tricky part. What do you really want to put there? Whatever you think is right. Don’t waste your time on one-timers and gold-diggers if your goal is marriage, keep looking for that one and the only. If you are looking for casual encounters – leave those mom-wannabes alone.
If you are like me, and keep hanging somewhere in between – there’s hope for you too. Try to keep two profiles. Just make sure you are not using same or similar photos in them, this way you’ll keep away from those angry messages about being double-faced lying bastard.
(This post have been intentionally left without the pictures. Think of one yourself.)
It’s year 2008 and there’s no need to remind you that almost all communications are now online. There’s also a great chance that you are trying to find your dates on the internet, on one of numerous dating web sites. That – or rather pictures on those profiles – would be the focus of our attention here.
The most common mistake almost everyone seems to make is taking a picture with something that should translate a “subliminal” message. Guys take their pictures with their supposedly hot car in the background, while girls prefer to lean heavily on party or travel photographs. Let’s look at these cases a little closer.
There’s nothing wrong in posting you picture in or around your car – IF YOU DESIGNED THE CAR YOURSELF! Otherwise the message you’re sending is basically “I am so fat/ugly/dumb that I had to put my car into the picture to make the photograph worth looking at“. Think about it for a moment. Unless you are on a hunt for a gold digger the expensive car in the background doesn’t really add anything to your profile. By the same rationale you might have took picture with your neighbour’s car, so if you think you project an image of a wealthy individual – you’re wrong.
Same kind of thought process should be applied to the pictures from parties. Just think there for a moment: if you post your pictures from your friend’s bachelor partwhere you’re surrounded with at least three almost naked strippers – you’re saying that you are unable to be in a serious relationship. If you have that macho look with a bottle of beer in your hand – it means that’s pretty much what you want to do in life. If you pose semi-naked showing off your muscles it means there’s nothing else about you but those muscles. Good for a one-night stand, but nothing more. Picture of you and similarly drunk friends – well, you got the idea.
So what’s a good pciture? Honestly – I don’t know. The picture I had on my dating profile that won me the hottest girl that was around wasn’t of a good quality. It showed me from shoulders up, the naked shoulder muscles were out, with one of my cats sitting on my hand. I wasn’t quite shaved and had a regular inquisitive look on my face. As I have found out what girls thought was something like “Well, this guy is strong – look at those muscles – but has a tender side to him, since he’s holding a cat just like he would have held a baby. Let me give him a try…” Can’t say how close to the truth all this is, after all – this was said on a date in order to get me interested, but I think you got the drift.
Of course, the picture alone won’t give you a perfect date, as it has to be YOUR picture. You also should think about what you say or write. And good luck with dating, the season is long open.
Whenever you decide that you and your date are ready to go for something more then just couple of drinks, there’s always a dilemma as to which restaurant to choose. Pick something too simple – and she won’t be impressed. Pick something too fancy – and she’ll literally eat all your money out. Pick something too loud and you won’t be able to chit-chat. Pick something too quiet – and you won’t be able to make her laugh as hard as she can.
Although people don’t really put much thought to where to have that important second or third date, it is indeed makes sense to plan ahead. If your lunch budget just couple of lines below budget of some third-world country then you can skip next couple of paragraphs. The rest of you – read on.
First of all – make sure you can afford a full dinner at the restaurant of your choice. You don’t know that girl yet, so if she turns out to be a gold-digger or just a bitch who always orders the most expensive item on the menu – you have to have your bases covered. After all, there will be some other girl who you would want to bring here, so no reason of making a wrong impression on the staff. Second – make sure you have a backup, especially if your first choice is either an ethnic or theme restaurant; make sure the backup falls in the same pricing niche as your first choice. If your date can’t eat curry that puts away a lot of Indian and Thai places, so have some Italian or Greek spot handy. Third – make sure the restaurant of your choice takes the credit cards that you have (or you carry enough cash). It could be embarassing if they only take AmEx and all you have is Visa or MC.
It usually helps if you’ve been to the place before (unless both you and your date are food adventurers). Not so much to avoid surprises, but to have situation under control. Maybe recommend something, or ask the waiter for something that is tasty but hidden from the menu. I pull this trick on one dessert at some Japanese place – ladies almost scream in extasy after tasting that dessert, although it’s next to impossible to find it in the menu and it’s almost always sold out by the regular “dating time”.
Most importantly – know the attire for the restaurant. You want to “fall in” with the crowd around you, not so much for yourself, but for your date. Remember, women are much more conscious about how they look, so if she’s uncomfortable – it will be your fault that you brought her here. Your date may be jeopardized right from the start. So mention the place (unless it’s a surprise) and if she’s not familiar – tell her what you are wearing (or plan to wear), so she would get a clue as to what to put on herself. You’ll score more brownie points by being considerate which you (hopefully) will be able to redeem later.
It’s about time we started talking about healthy eating. Just keep in mind – all those “two salad leaves a day” diets will get you thinner, but at what cost? No sex? No way! In order to perform well both men and women alike need to eat healthy and have enough energy to enjoy their relationship to the fullest extent. Enter ethnic foods.
Everybody knows that american food is fattening, italian food is heavy and cuban food is hot spicy. What almost everyone seem to miss is that food plays major role in your sex life. Eating right is the cornerstone of a healthy relationship. Let’s look at just one example.
Let’s say you are regularly having a heavy meal late evening chances are – your sex life isn’t at its fullest. However, if you LIKE to have heavy meals in late evening – just change the diet. Instead of sandwiches or pasta or pizza – try to eat something that would benefit you better. From Russian food assortment you can take pelmeni with sour cream. Add your favorite beer. Don’t overeat though, it’s very easy to consume so much of this tasty stuff that you won’t be able to lift yourself from the table. Sounds heavy? Watch what happens afterwards, how long you will last and what your girlfriend or wife would say next morning.
Why don’t we look at it a little closer. Pelmeni contain proteins and good carbs, sour cream contains vitamins and fats, beer contains yeast and alcohol. Every major component of healthy eating is there (and some more!), plus you are getting a good workout after it, so you suppose to burn the majority of calories from fat and carbs.
If you don’t like Russian cuisine – try Cuban, Thai, Indian or whatever else you like. Just make sure it’s not only tasty and fulfilling, but also benefits your relationship.
Sometimes people around you give you the most interesting discussion subjects. Or, maybe, it is so because we tend to listen to them the most. In any case, let’s talk about things like sharing, giving and receiving.
It all started with a person who is very close to me and is my close friend being very depressed. After we went through the routine of “What’s going on? – Nothing, I’m just depressed” Q & A, we stopped for a moment to catch a breath. Then, slower, we proceeded to uncover the real state of things.
It turned out that she was depressed simply because everyone else is either too annoying, too arrogant or seem not to notice her. Sometimes she would come up to someone with a question and the person would turn around like she’s not there. Or people would look at her like she’s the enemy of the state. Or refuse to do anything she asks – for no apparent reason. Then it dawned on me – I remembered I was in just the same situation at one point of my life.
All those people are not disliking you – I said. If right after encountering you someone would come up to them and ask if they remember who they just talk to – they would’ve probably just shrugged. The reason is simple – you don’t generate sympathy. You generate annoyance, arrogance, fear, hatred, they feel that Dark Side is strong with you or whatever else. Point is – they don’t feel sympathy. That is why they ignore you, give you those cold looks and so on. They feel your unhappiness and they try to avoid it at all cost. Most of the time they do it unconsciously.
But what do I do? – she asked. Well, – I said – it’s simple. Whenever you come up in the morning – look in the mirror and say you like what you see. If you have a nice smile – smile to yourself like it’s a pretty stranger you want to get. Whenever you approach someone – try to be positive, feel good about that person and generate sympathy. It will be hard at the beginning, but it will get better over time. Sometimes the person you will be talking to is going to be the most annoying person in the world, ugly as hell and stupid as a tree. Still, try to feel a little sympathy towards that person and I promise you – you will be rewarded tenfold.
I realize she may not be happy with my answer, since it doesn’t provide an immediate rectification to the problem. But it does give a solution, one that will work as soon as the next encounter happens.
Now, some of you may ask – what does all this has to do with dating? If it isn’t clear enough – I’ll explain. Whenever you go on a date – ESPECIALLY FIRST DATE – that’s how your counterpart will know what kind of person you are. You may have the best shoes, jeans and shirt in the world, or you may have the prettiest natural boobs that make Victoria Secret models cry, but if you generate those “bad vibrations” – your date will never notice how cute, smart or lovely you are. On the other hand – I’ve personally witnessed a DATE GONE PERFECT because both people were generating sympathy and good emotions towards everyone around them and what started as an encounter of two strangers just two hours later was a conversation between two closest people on Earth.
